


take me, break me, reinvent me

by C0LUMBINE



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Anal Sex, Angst, Attempted Murder, Brainwashing, Demaverse, Head Shaving, Hurt/Comfort, Kinda, Kissing, M/M, Mentions of Murder, Smut, Stargazing, Strangers to Lovers, Tent Sex, dema
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-04
Updated: 2018-09-04
Packaged: 2019-07-07 02:08:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15898749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/C0LUMBINE/pseuds/C0LUMBINE
Summary: "You work for them?" Tyler asked, voice cracking. His tone sounded demanding. Josh didn't answer. He nodded in affirmation instead, silent. "Lemme see your face."He didn't want Tyler to see his face in its full. He wanted the ground to open up and swallow him whole.*AKA the one in which Josh lives a miserable life controlled by The Bishops and pretends everything is fine. And then he meets Tyler.





	take me, break me, reinvent me

**Author's Note:**

> hello! i am incredibly stressed about this particular story, considering it's possibly the longest thing i've written in my life, and also my first proper attempt at something more... plot-filled. i know it's far from perfect, but i worked super hard on it for the past month and i'm happy to finally put it out there.
> 
> i didn't dedicate it to anyone but i wanted to thank mars, edy, syd, ella and every other person who got to watch me suffer and dealt with me as i wrote this mess. i love you all. being surrounded by you can be incredibly inspiring.
> 
> i really struggled with tagging this one, although i always do, so please let me know if i missed anything. as for the whole murder thing - nothing's too graphic here.

"Name?"

"Joshua William Dun."

"Describe your day."

"I woke up, had a coffee, went for a jog, now I'm here."

He was used to being asked. He was used to answering, and he was used to lying when he had to. There was never an issue. He was safe as long as he stayed home when he had to. He was safe as long as he didn't refuse to do what they asked for.

"Have you noticed anything unusual today? Anything that should be taken care of?"

"Not really, no."

"That will be all," the taller man said. Neither of them moved an inch while asking questions, like marble statues with mouths capable of opening. Josh wasn't sure if they ever blinked. He tried to keep his own eyes away from theirs, convinced that looking into them could deal some kind of irreversible damage. He didn't want to inherit their paper pale skin. "Here's everything you need to know about your newest target. We hope to have his soulless body in our hands by Thursday."

Josh nodded absently and reached out for the file which was being handed to him, his mind still floating somewhere else. 

He wasn't used to this. Every single evening, whenever he glanced at the clock and realized 8 p.m. was minutes away, his intestines tied into knots, his throat closed up and made him want to cough until he started to choke and lose access to the air. He wanted to scream, he wanted to push through The Bishops and run, just so that they would take him wherever they took those who disobeyed the system. He began to understand why he kept hearing people scream every day with no exception. 

"I'll see what I can do."

He wasn't used to this. 

* * *

/ Tyler Joseph ; twenty nine ; 5'11" ; last seen July fifth ; wanted for theft and acts of vandalism /

Josh didn't get a wink of sleep, altering between staring at the ceiling and the photograph attached to the file he's been given. He tried his hardest to memorize the suspect's facial features, his attention constantly drawing back to the eyes - dark, intense, and somewhat sinister, prominent eyebags adding to the overall mysterious appearance. The given mix kept awakening a feeling of unease deep inside of him, preventing him from getting any rest. 

As if his own anxiety wasn't enough to keep him awake, he could also hear a phone ringing from behind one of the walls in his bedroom. It kept ringing every night, at 10 p.m. sharp, but nobody ever answered. Josh had heard somewhere that the person who used to live in the flat next to his has been evicted and was never coming back. He was getting used to it, just another quirk on the list of many others that this place had.

His eyes were currently bloodshot and stung so badly he could barely keep them open, although shutting them wasn't of much help either. He decided to stick to blinking repeatedly whenever he felt like his eyeballs were beginning to dry out. His hand was shaking as he held the file in front of his face. Despite the surrounding darkness, only severed by a weak light stream coming from the lamp by his bed, he could see remains of blood under his own, blunt fingernails. No matter how hard he tried to wash it off, to dig it out of there, it kept reappearing, crimson, vibrant, then brown, dry.

He knew it was wrong. God, it was more than wrong. But he was terrified of the punishment that could come his way if he disagreed to follow the rules, if he disagreed to execute what he was asked to. More than he was terrified of putting a gun to another person's head. He felt like a coward. Commiting murder to save your own life was no bravery. It was an act of cowardice, and Josh did not view it as anything more than.

* * *

He had to get used to living here, and what life here was like. Interrogations were an every day thing, and so was the sight of people running down the streets and rushing to get back home when the sun was down. It was the every day reality. He had enough experience and knowledge to know where and at what time to step his foot to avoid it being chopped off. All the people he passed on the street every day -- they had yet to learn about how this place worked. He was smarter. He knew he would be safe as long as he obeyed those in charge.

Every evening, he would make himself a cup of coffee, strong, two tablespoons, no milk, dregs sticking to his teeth and irritating his throat. He'd spit them out into a separate cup while sitting by the windowsill and looking outside. People were running down the streets, just as always, he could hear screaming, mixed with sobbing and loud footsteps. Josh wished people would obey. He missed spending his evenings in silence. He missed being able to watch the stars without glass inches away from his face, like a puppet on display in a shop window.

* * *

Hiding behind a piece of yellow fabric gave Josh a false sense of safety. All he had to do was pull it over his nose, stick his hands in the pockets of his jacket and he could walk the streets as if he were irrepressible. Nobody had to know that behind that facade was a lost, miserable human. Nobody had to know that his hands were sweaty and shaking where they weren't visible.

He spent long days walking around Dema, occasionally pulling a picture of the suspect out of his pocket and analyzing it yet again, comparing it to multiple people he'd passed on his way. None of those people matched, however. None of them had the same darkness hidden in their eyes, so deep it could hold the mysteries of humanity. None of them had the power to send shivers down his spine. He felt like giving up, not having the guts to ask anybody if they have ever seen the man he was looking for. People have already started giving him strange looks while he paced around pointlessly.

When he saw Tyler for the first time, his heart skipped a beat, a wave of heat washing over him, head to toe, so sudden and unexpected it almost pulled consciousness out of his body like a string of wool. Tyler stood at the very end of a dark alleyway in a part of town Josh had never found himself in before, shuffling his feet nervously and looking through his wallet, eyebrows furrowed in concentration. He was taller than Josh, but seemed rather harmless at first sight, soft skin wrapped around bones and barely present muscles. Still, Josh had no idea whether he was armed, or what he was capable of, so he decided to keep his distance as he was thinking everything through.

Josh could feel himself beggining to shake with fear and unsureness building up inside of him. He tried to swallow the lump in his throat, almost getting choked up, but it seemed to only grow in size. There was only so much stress he could allow his body to handle at once, and he was nearing his breaking point. His final decision was not to reach for the gun by his belt, but to approach the guy in a moment of unawarness and push him up against the wall, fingers tightening around his throat. Josh wasn't trying to deprive him of oxygen. Just keeping him in place.

Tyler dropped all of his belongings, yelping, pulled out of his own business with unexpected force. "What're you gonna do now, h-huh?" he spat out. Josh was no longer able to see the darkness, the intensity in his eyes. Instead, he could see fear, pure, raw fright, like a deer in the headlights. Tyler's eyes widened, tears pooling in the corners, as he struggled to break out, free himself from under Josh's grip. His cheeks were flushed with pink. He wasn't the person from the picture on the file in Josh's pocket anymore. He looked defenseless and clueless.

Josh couldn't bring himself to take his life. He shifted his focus from Tyler's face to his own fingers, which were still digging into his neck. Blood. He could see blood again. It was always there, under his nails, dried and old, but it was there. He let go of Tyler's throat, taking a step back, his legs wobbly and numb. Tyler coughed and choked, trying to drag air into his lungs with much difficulty. He crouched, back sliding against the brick wall, his hoodie rolling up to expose more fragility. He lifted his head up to look at Josh with reproach, rubbing the sides of his neck and grunting. "That's- that's what I thought."

Josh exhaled heavily, sitting down on the cold ground and covering his face with his trembling hands. He felt horrible. Work was supposed to bring purpose to a human's life. Work was supposed to be a positive distraction. This. This was a neccessity. This was what Josh hated the most about his own life.

"You work for them?" Tyler asked, voice cracking. His tone sounded demanding. Josh didn't answer. He nodded in affirmation instead, silent. "Lemme see your face."

Josh hesitated, fingers twitching where he was trying to cover the only inches of his skin that were still exposed. He didn't want Tyler to see his face in its full. He wanted the ground to open up and swallow him whole. He wanted his own existence to be erased like a single word written by mistake where it should have never come to be. At the same time, he felt like he shouldn't be hiding anymore. Not when Tyler was right beside him, urging him on.

Tyler remained silent, wordless, but full of curiosity. He watched Josh warily with narrowed eyes, as he began slowly pulling the hood off his head with shaking hands, going for his bandana right after. A sharp intake of breath caught Tyler off guard. He blinked in surprise. Josh was frightened, but he could breathe properly again and get cool air inside his lungs, and he felt as if he were reborn, breathing for the first time, exposed to something that terrified him just because it felt unfamiliar and new, which in that case was Tyler - observing him, judging, seeing him with no disguise. Josh sat there, looking at the ground and panting, mouth half open.

"Hey, you, um. There's some- uh, you have some-" Tyler struggled to explain, pointing a finger to the greasy locks of Josh's dark hair.

"Yeah, I know," Josh supplied, knowing perfectly well that what drew Tyler's attention was the dry leftover blood fused into his hair and making strands stick together in a couple places. Josh was a busy person, and often times he did not have the strength to properly take care of himself before continuing his work. He would come back home after accomplishing another mission and go straight to bed, only having the energy and time to take off his shoes at the door to avoid staining the carpets.

They both sat in silence for a moment, the only sounds breaking through being the usual cries and rushing of feet against the pavement.

None of this made sense. Nothing ever made sense.

* * * 

Tyler was the one who got Josh to watch the stars from the other side of the glass. When they stayed outside past the safety hour and hid inside of an empty dumpster, Josh's heart was pounding in his chest for reasons he'd never thought he could have. He sat as far away from the walls as he could, worried that his heartbeat could bounce off the metal and be heard. Tyler promised they wouldn't get caught. He was somehow too sure that The Bishops weren't doing as good of a job at keeping Dema inhabitants under control as some, including Josh, may have thought. Around 10.p.m. everything stopped, and silence covered the surroundings like a thin sheen of silk, exclusive, almost unobtainable. They stepped out, and for the very first time, the only sounds filling Josh's ears were Tyler's peaceful breathing and crickets chirping somewhere in the distance.

The peace, the difference, the long forgotten feeling of having another human within the reach of hand - it all filled Josh's senses, filled his mind and filled the hole inside of his soul that had been opening further and further as days went by. That, if he still had a soul. Sometimes he doubted there was anything left inside of him but darkness and guilt. Still, Tyler held his hand and traced the palm with his thumb as if he were more important and extraordinary than the constellations above them.

Josh sobbed, defeated, curled up and gripping Tyler's hoodie as they sat underneath the night sky, and Tyler allowed it, allowed every pent up emotion to escape and his tears to stain the soft fabric. He rubbed Josh's back, hummed quietly and whispered against his temple, promising a brighter future. Promising to help Josh get out of here and leave everything behind.

* * *

Tyler had a way with words. Even when he mumbled, babbled, stretched out his commas until they turned into moments of silence, when he bared his thinking proccess as he stuttered through his sentences, dissecting the given topic - he still sounded well informed and wise. Josh spent more hours listening to his conspiring, to his stories, to descriptions of his current state of mind than he did doing anything else. Tyler had a gentle voice, soft, but with a rough edge. 

Before they both made it to the outskirts of Dema, Josh was filled up with knowledge about the community, about Trench, to the very brim. Tyler told him the story about rebellion and the brighter side of the sun. He told him the story about the people who disappeared almost every day, their faces pinned to poles all over Dema. Soon, Josh got to know most of those people personally. Every single person Tyler introduced him to welcomed him into their community despite his past. Josh wasn't sure if he deserved it.

All Josh truly wanted was to be understood. All Tyler wanted to do was to understand. 

* * *

On August 8th, Tyler shaved his head. 

Josh sat by the fire and watched as he carefully worked the electric shaver around his scalp, tongue sticking out of the corner of his mouth. He didn't greet Josh before sitting down, determined and focused to get the task done as quickly as possible. Josh felt as if he was witnessing the birth of a whole new human being. Eventhough the blood that stained his own hair has been long gone and a thing of the past after Tyler helped him wash it out, Josh began to wonder what it would feel like to have his own head shaved. He wondered if it would change anything at all. Make him feel anything at all.

Tyler explained the phenomenon once he finished, sensing the curiosity in Josh's sneaky gaze. He told Josh that it felt refreshing, almost like sweeping away past experiences. It was a fresh start, and Josh wanted that more than anything.

* * *

"Hey, can you, uh, can you shave my hair, too?" 

It's been a couple days. A couple days filled with building up courage to ask that one, simple question. Finally, Josh caught Tyler by the firepit where everyone hung out at night, a plastic bowl in his hands, tipping it to make sure not a single drop of milk was left at the bottom. He put it down, wiping his mouth with the sleeve of his mustard hoodie, and gladly transferred all of his attention to Josh.

"Yeah, man. You sure you want it?" he asked, a spark of excitement showing in his eyes. Ever since he got rid of his own hair and let the wind blow it far, far, far away, he seemed to have brightened up. Josh wanted that for himself, too. Besides, it sounded like an interesting experience, like turning your back on routine.

Josh's lip quivered. "I think so," he mumbled, no spaces between the words. "I don't- just don't want anyone to see," he hesitated. "Yet." 

"Wanna go to your-" Tyler pointed a thumb towards Josh's tent. He couldn't bring his sentence to a finish, because Josh was already pushing in a reply.

"Yeah."

Tyler nodded, smiling briefly. "Got it. I'll grab the stuff and meet you there," they exchanged a quick glance of understanding, and then Tyler walked off, the bowl in his hands, a blur of vibrant colors which Josh's eyes followed absently. 

Tyler was a highly respected individual around these parts. The counter of his failed escape attempts had permanently stopped at four, and the fifth try turned out to be the successful one of the bunch. Ever since he's gotten his hands back on freedom for good, he did not plan on being dragged all the way back to where he started. He had mastered the art of disguise, concealment and theft. The only person who has ever managed to catch him in a moment of inattention was Josh. That was the reason why Josh still couldn't entirely understand why Tyler allowed him to follow, why he was so willing to share the story of how they met with other campers. Josh wasn't sure what made him special enough to earn the title of Tyler's favourite person. Tyler was the thread holding this community together. He was the thread that patched up Josh's crumbling life.

Instead of thinking more than necessary, Josh decided to do what he was told. Once Tyler was out of his sight, he walked away as well, and headed straight to his own tent, kicking off his shoes and crawling inside. He sat down on the mattress he would usually sleep on and waited for Tyler's return, shaking, stressed, but secure.

His tent wasn't extremely big. But it was Tyler who helped him choose and set it up, which made it all more special. Josh got used to it. It was not at all close to what he used to have back in Dema - his flat, his boysenberry walls, his grey carpet and neatly stacked three years worth of newspapers on the counter in his kitchen where his aloe plants grew, and rotted, and kept being replaced, and grew again -- it used to bring him happiness. Some strange, possession-based happiness, and it provided a cozy, warm, dry place to live, with a gentle, cherry scent spreading from multiple air fresheners placed in various spots. The sudden change was overwhelming, but Tyler helped him adapt as much as he was able to.

Tyler caught him off guard when he finally returned, shaver and a worn out piece of fabric in hand, entering the tent. He stood in place for a second, both of them silent and staring into each other's eyes.

"You look terrified," Tyler admitted, sounding worried. After all, it was Josh's choice, Josh's hair and his well being. Tyler was just giving him a hand in a moment of need. 

"Kinda am," Josh replied blankly, mouth turning into a thin line. Tyler hummed, walking up to him. It was a familiar melody.

He wrapped the previously prepared fabric around Josh's neck, making sure his shoulders were covered. Josh thought it all looked almost too professional. Tyler wasn't rushing anything, unlike he did with himself. "You'll feel better when I'm done with you. We'll match," he assured, giving Josh as silly of a smile as possible to ease his nerves. "Back or front first?"

A soft, buzzing sound filled Josh's ears. No more humming. He exhaled. "Go front. Won't be able to back out of it then."

"Right," Tyler said, nodding, and began his work.

Josh could feel his heart coming up to his throat once again, and it made him feel like a fool. He wanted it to be casual, to not be bigger of a deal than it really was, but he couldn't get his pulse to slow down. He could feel the first tufts of hair falling onto his chest, some unruly bits tickling his nose and almost making him sneeze. Tyler tried his best to focus on shaving and brushing off what kept bothering him more than it bothered Josh.

"Dang, this- it really suits you. You're gonna look so good."

Josh felt his face starting to burn with growing blush. Tyler kept touching his cheeks, pressing gentle fingers to just under his eyes to swipe everything off, and when he wasn't, he'd place his hand on Josh's shoulder and trace circles with his thumb, just like he traced his hand when they watched the stars together for the very first time, occasionally giving his collarbone more focus. Tyler's words, the way his eyes sparkled with excitement and admiration for the new version of his favourite human - it was a lot. Josh tried his best to sit still while heat kept washing over him like tidal waves, one after another. 

"So good," Tyler said, and kept saying, repeating, kept whispering little words of praise as he kept going. Once he felt satisfied with the results, he leaned in and pressed a kiss to Josh's head, and it worked just like gasoline poured into fire.

Josh felt dizzy. He could almost see the night sky before his own eyes again. He failed to realize when Tyler found himself on the opposite side, working the shaver down his neck in careful strokes, humming again and tracing fingers down Josh's back. He hoped Tyler didn't find his rapid breathing off-putting. Once again, he felt Tyler's soft lips pressing against his skin, kissing the back of his head, kissing his neck. Josh hoped the trail of kisses would never end. He allowed himself to touch his freshly shaved head, knowing he won't be able to see it yet. It felt... smooth. It felt right.

Within seconds, Tyler was standing in front of him again, looking, thinking, contemplating. The look in his eyes was the opposite of judgmental, though it didn't make Josh any less nervous. The combination of feelings, the strange rush of adrenaline -- it all affected his body in a way he wasn't expecting, and left him trying desperately to cover it up, hands rushing towards his own crotch. Unfortunately, Tyler's eyes were faster in comparision to his blissed out self.

"Sorry, I don't -- I don't know-"

"Don't worry about it, man. You can't always control how your body reacts to things," Tyler shrugged, putting the shaver down. He took the security fabric off of him and picked up the abandoned tufts of hair to fully get rid of the old. "Have you ever, y'know, been with anyone?" he asked while tossing everything away and swiping the mess of hair off the mattress.

Josh swallowed with difficulty, his throat dry. Tyler's composure was driving him crazy. "Yeah, it's just- it's been a while," he replied, shifting in his spot. He must have looked more distressed than he knew, because Tyler crouched in front of him, making sure their eyes locked.

"Dude, we can drop all this if you're not comfortable and just, like, hang out. That's cool, too," Tyler reassured.

"No, no, I want you here. Is that okay?" Josh stuttered through his words and Tyler smiled softly.

"Is it okay with _you_?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

Josh hesitated for a second, his knees trembling. He had known Tyler for quite a while now, and he felt more comfortable around him than he did around anyone else. They had kissed before, multiple times, but never took it further than that, never felt the need to rush. In Trench, days happened when there was not much to do, leaving both of them with a lot of time on their hands to explore and get to know one another closer. Josh learned about Tyler's fear of dogs, found out what his favorite beverage was, and eventually got to know the story about his past, and everything that lead to Trench.

Josh felt different, new, deprived of what reminded him of some of the darkest moments in his life. He felt lighter, closer to the sky, and Tyler helped him up those few steps he's tripped and fallen down the moment he decided to obey and let go of his empathy. Tyler got to see him evolve into a whole new person. Now, he was getting to watch him change something he was holding on to for way too long. Josh wanted to go on. He wanted Tyler, Tyler, Tyler, anywhere, everywhere, and nothing else.

"Yeah. Please," he decided, hoping his little stream of inner thoughts didn't result in a longer moment of silence. 

"Alright. Lie down for me," Tyler said, sitting back on his heels. Maybe it was supposed to sound demanding, but Josh could tell he was nervous as well. Tyler was just better at pretending, his ego overgrowing his insecurity. "On your back."

Doing what Tyler wanted turned out to be easier than Josh was originally expecting it to be. Josh was glad to find out he still had that darkness in his eyes, that look which made his body tremble against his will. It was just hidden, deep inside. Right now, it was showing, but for different reasons. Josh straightened out his legs and allowed himself to give in.

"Yeah, like that, that's good."

Josh's cheeks were burning, he wanted to cover himself up again, feeling exposed, feeling as if maybe he was too much, not what Tyler would want or expect. But he wanted this, wanted this so badly, wanted whatever it was, wanted to be good enough. Tyler was already situating himself right between his legs, and the way he looked down on him, intense, loving -- Josh was about to fall apart, and they haven't even started. His cock was pulling at the fabric of his jeans, and there was no way Tyler could miss it. He was just as flustered as Josh, but managing to maintain composure. He knew exactly what he wanted to do. He gave Josh yet another kiss, lips pressing gently to his forehead, then his cheek, and eventually his mouth, where he stayed just a little longer.

Tyler pulled away and his hands reached for the zipper of Josh's pants, trembling fingers struggling to unzip, to unbutton, and eventually he was pulling, making sure he was getting rid of both layers in one tug. He inhaled sharply upon seeing Josh's dick, far from what one would call large, but fitting, gorgeous. It was curving just slightly against Josh's belly, the flushed pink of the tip almost matching the color of his lips. Tyler couldn't help but look, and look, and look. He caught himself biting down on his lip so hard he almost managed to break the skin. 

He tossed Josh's clothes away, adding his own hoodie to the mess, wind howling in his ears, moving the sides of the tent. He almost forgot where they were, taking a moment to look up. He could hear someone coughing outside, boots stomping on drying grass, birds singing their quiet songs somewhere far, far away. Josh just watched him, and eventually, he found himself listening, too. 

"Gosh, sorry, I just realized-"

"Yeah."

Tyler cleared his throat. He hesitated, before pushing himself just a little bit closer. This was no issue. If anything, it made his hands shake with a strange kind of incitement. He knew nobody would dare ask about what went down between them right here. "I'm gonna touch you," he said, and just like that, he pressed a thumb to the tip of Josh's cock, circling, spreading tiny beads of precome down his length. 

Josh hissed, convulsed, and Tyler was mesmerized by his reaction, so unrestrained and so _real_. He wanted more, wanted to see Josh open up and let himself go, wanted to take him apart piece by piece. To get what he wanted, and get Josh to loosen up, he replaced the thumb with his hand, dainty fingers closing around his cock.

Tyler started out slow, gentle, working his hand up and down Josh's dick with cautiousness, satisfied when he felt it getting firmer, more sensitive in his grip. He twisted his wrist and squeezed just a little bit tighter, curious. Josh's back arched off the matress and Tyler's lips tilted open in awe. He admired how responsive Josh was, eventhough he barely let out any sounds, just tiny whimpers and soft groans. Still, the way he moved, squirmed, bucked his hips at his own pace -- Tyler could tell he needed this. 

Josh enjoyed the abandonment of control, liked when Tyler grabbed it insted, ripped it out of his hands and held onto it with as little of a gesture as a hand pressing to his thigh, steady. Tyler leaned in and pressed a light kiss to the head of his cock, continued the trail down his shaft, all the way to his balls, humming. It all felt so intimate and foreign -- Josh had almost forgotten that he could feel like this, feel wanted, cared for.

"Josh," Tyler called quietly, almost like a whisper. His hand was still on Josh's dick. "I wanna use my fingers, like, y'know."

"Why are you telling me-"

"I need something. Can't be too dry, it'll hurt. I don't want it to hurt," he explained, concerned. He wanted it to feel good, especially after a break. 

Josh tried his best to focus and organize his thoughts, but Tyler was still rubbing a thumb over the underside of his dick, merciless in his subtlety. Josh bit his lip to stifle a moan. "Under -- under that," he gathered all his strength to let those words escape and point to a pile of neatly folded clothes just behind them. He had to hide his stuff somehow, and fresh laundry seemed inconspicious enough. Tyler turned around, letting go of Josh's cock and shoving the same hand underneath it all. Josh was seconds away from losing his mind. 

Tyler let out a quiet sound of satisfaction once he pulled his hand back out, a tiny bottle of lube between his fingers. It reminded him of those portable shower gel bottles he used to own before he learned how to steal and not get caught in the proccess. He wasn't about to ask why Josh ever needed it. He was just glad there was still a little bit left to make things more comfortable.

"Tell me if it's too much. I'll slow down," Tyler said, uncapping the bottle and coating his fingers with the liquid. 

Josh swallowed thickly, and Tyler was humming again. It was a habit, one that was entirely harmless and helped Josh calm down in a way. Tyler got himself comfortable and then pressed, circled, the tip of his middle finger almost making it inside, but not quite. There was no more humming, or maybe Josh just couldn't make it out with the way blood was rushing through his head. He tried his best to keep his mouth closed and avoid making any sounds, just in case there was somebody walking by. He had no idea that was the opposite of what Tyler wanted. 

Tyler watched him, teased him, tried to mold him into the desired shape with just a single finger, and it was working just fine. He angled his hand and pushed in, hasty, drawing a surprised yelp from Josh's mouth. He held it there, deep inside of him, pushing and proding, before pulling back and repeating, working his finger in and and almost entirely out. Josh was already putty under his hands, there was no need to rush just yet. Somewhere between the little thrusts, Tyler pushed a ring finger in, and that's when Josh began to feel that type of itching, overwhelming pleasure he desired so much crawl under his skin.

Tyler worked Josh with his fingers, curling, changing angles, his other hand gripping the soft flesh of his thigh. "It's been a while, huh?" he teased, a tiny hint of a smile adding to Josh's growing furstration. Tyler's actions were effortless, but so, so effective, every little adjustment making it better, so much better than what Josh used to give himself when he was all alone, and so much better than he imagined was possible. 

"Mhm," Josh nodded his head, struggling not to be loud. He was too busy grinding down on Tyler's fingers to find the right words in his head.

Tyler carressed his inner thigh. "C'mon, lemme hear how good you feel," he murmured, and Josh had no other choice when he felt a third finger pushing in. He let out a loud whimper, which faded into a breathy moan and Tyler groaned, immediately rewarding, reaching for his cock and tightening his fingers around the length. 

Josh deserved it. Not only the pleasure, but the pain, every slight burn of discomfort deep inside his gut that mixed with it. He deserved it, a reminder that pain existed outside of his head, his mind, too, and could overpower his body as a physical feeling. It was a push, and Tyler was giving it to him in a way he'd never expect he needed. He deserved to be heard, he deserved to be kicked out of his comfort zone.

Tyler was shaking, letting go of Josh's cock and reaching for the button, the zipper of his own jeans and trying to get them undone. Josh could see how hard he was, and thought it must have been agonizing to give without being given back. His fingers slacked off a little in the proccess, giving Josh a chance to open his eyes and watch as Tyler pulled his boxers down to his thighs, messy, desperate. He reached for the lube again, holding the tiny bottle with a trembling hand.

"Can I? Can I?" he asked, hoping Josh wouldn't disagree. He was already squeezing, and Josh watched the liquid drip down Tyler's cock, his own twitching against his belly. Tyler's fingers slipped out of him, just to then curl around his own dick, pulling a relieved moan out of his throat. He stroked himself with intent, and Josh whined, his eyes slipping shut. He had to stop himself from looking, or else he'd get too close. 

He nodded hurriedly and mumbled something, not knowing what exactly, but Tyler's foggy mind seemed to accept and understand nonetheless. They were lost in each other, lost between four fabric walls that could barely mute their unsynchronized noises and meaningless words, lucky enough that one of them was more composed than the other and had the situation under control. Josh was a mess, and Tyler was just a little bit less of a mess, feeding off his raw, lustful energy.

Tyler was kneeling between Josh's legs, bracing himself against his belly and pressing the tip of his cock to Josh's ass. Their eyes locked for a brief moment and Tyler couldn't help but let out a breathless laugh, oozing affection. "M' glad you let me do this, you-" he made a little pause, bottom lip getting caught between his teeth. "You look beautiful." 

Josh had no idea how to react with so many different sensations coursing through every single vein in his body. The burn in the pit of his stomach felt like a tiny wildfire, spreading at an alarming speed. Tyler leaned in to push Josh's shirt up and press a gentle kiss to his abdomen, almost as if he knew. He probably knew. Tyler could see right through him. 

Finally, Josh felt Tyler begin to push in, to fill him up with everything he had, and his world was turning sideways, and sideways was where it felt right. Tyler gave him a moment to adjust, but Josh's eagerness was not letting him wait. He tugged at Tyler's wrist, begging him to move, and Tyler complied. 

He was gentle and careful at first, then began changing angles, adjusting his tempo, all for that one, mangled sob that came from Josh's mouth when he pushed all the way in, harsh, his balls pressed tight against Josh's ass, the hotness surrounding his cock causing him to let out a high pitched whine. 

"T-there we go," Tyler mumbled, voice skipping an octave and cracking. He kept himself there for a moment, head hanging low, hands gripping Josh's hips. He pulled out, only to push back in, hard and deep. 

Tyler fucked him, and fucked him for everyone to hear, every thrust of his hips forcing gasps and moans to slip past Josh's swollen lips. There were no more restraints on either of the sides, both of them immersed in pure bliss and so, so good to each other, without having a clue. Tyler wanted to please, wanted to hit the right spot, wanted to see Josh come apart under his hands. He could feel himself toeing the edge with Josh clenching around him, pleasure mixing with pain. Instinctively, he grabbed Josh's dick once more, pumping faster than Josh could take.

"'M close," he whimpered, and Tyler could swear he was about to melt at the sound of his voice. 

"Look at me," he said, moaned, and tapped Josh's knee. "Look at me, Josh."

Josh struggled to peel his eyes open, but once he met Tyler's gaze, his swollen lips glistening with saliva, golden skin glazed with a sheen of sweat, fingers wrapped around his cock - he was there, close, so close, so good-

His orgasm caught Tyler off guard, regardless of the warning. He watched Josh's cock twitch and spill all over his own hand and Josh's shirt, cum seeping into the fabric. Tyler watched him desperately trying to chase the waves of pleasure, fucking up into his fist and he almost forgot he wasn't done himself, shuddering, thrusts erratic and out of control. 

He fucked Josh through his high, watched him become more sensitive and watched his mouth hang open to let out tiny, weak whimpers. Tyler hunched forward, thighs shaking as he came, grinding into him frantically, with a dire need, until his thrusts became slower, lazier, and then faded into nothingness. He stayed where he was while their breaths evened out, pulling out after a few seconds and throwing his hands over his face, exhausted, but satisfied.

"Are you okay?" Josh asked with concern, chest rising and falling rapidly. Tyler remained in the same position for a moment.

He removed his hands, face flushed, and pressed his palms to his thighs instead. He was still panting, mouth open. "Yeah, I'm fine," he assured, taking a few more seconds to calm down. Then, he reached out for a spare shirt from the pile and helped clean Josh up, not bothered enough to pull his own pants back up. 

"Thank you. For everything, y'know," Josh said, watching Tyler as he pressed the fabric to his softening cock, so obviously nervous he was almost shaking again.

"Yeah," Tyler replied, barely parting his lips. He chuckled. "Yeah."

Tyler realized at this very moment that he might have loved him, just a little. And he hoped Josh loved him at least a little, too.

* * *

On August 27th, Tyler asked Josh to visit Dema with him to scavenge, and Josh agreed. It took a fair amout of convincing on Tyler's side, but after explaining what the usual procedure looked like, Josh made his decision. The thought of turning back towards his past truly terrified him, but he knew facing his fear was neccessary for him to continue going forward, and no matter where his head was at a given moment, he could always find Tyler right by his side, trying to help, or just offering silent company, depending on what he needed.

They decided to head out at 5 p.m, knowing the distance between Trench and Dema was rather large. Tyler told Josh they couldn't cross the border unless the safety hour was over, wanting to make sure the only thing they faced on their way was silence and dim light of the street lamps, and it was exactly what greeted them once they walked past the road sign with Dema written on it, but still covered up with yellow spray paint. Tyler admitted it was him who vandalised the sign, and it was one of the reasons why The Bishops wanted his head on a stake. However, the only piece of him they were getting was a little different. 

"All they want is control, y'know," Tyler explained when they took a rest stop, right in front of a building, which Josh thought looked pretty important. He used the time to reach for a bottle on the side of his backpack, catching a glimpse of Tyler unbuckling his belt and unzipping his pants. He tried to drink a little bit of water, but all of the sudden, a quiet, hissing sound filled his ears and the next thing he saw was Tyler's piss dripping down the wall, the sight almost causing him to choke. "Other than that," Tyler shrugged, head thrown back, letting himself go. "They don't know what they're doing."

Josh stood there, mouth agape, and watched Tyler until he was done, tucking himself back in. "Jeez," he said, breathless. Tyler laughed shortly, and then they continued walking.

He had his sources, had his people still in Dema, but planning to escape as well. They helped with gathering supplies when Tyler wasn't able to do to it himself, and all he had to do was find them, take the food, toiletries, medicine and so on from their hands and pay them well for their work. Josh followed him around and stayed in his shadow, not wanting to engage himself in any conversations. He just watched Tyler do what he had to do, and the whole system, hidden away from the light was quite impressive.

"Hey, Josh, look at this."

Once they were done with their secret deeds, they took a moment to just walk around the town, at night, quiet. Tyler was full of energy that Josh couldn't keep up with, and that's why he was behind him almost the entire time. When he finally managed to catch him in the middle of an alleyway, Tyler was holding two pieces of paper which he tore off a wooden post. Josh had to take a closer look, but there was no doubt that what he could see on both sheets were their own faces, "wanted" written in capital letters just above. Josh's breath hitched in his throat.

"We should turn ourselves in and ask for a double reward," Tyler said, eyes glued to the posters. He was smiling, and Josh couldn't help but smile, too. He felt safe with Tyler by his side. Nothing was able to harm him.

"Yeah, we probably should."

They were supposed to keep going forward after Tyler stuck the posters in his pocket, but something stopped Josh like an invisible chain around his feet. He was nailed into the ground, chills running down his spine. He could hear it -- the ringing, the melody he hadn't heard in so long, but remembered so well. It was so, so quiet around them that it made the high pitched sound pierce his ears like a scream. Never in his most vivid nightmares would he imagine hearing it again, so real, so, so real.

"Josh? Hey," Tyler snapped his fingers in front of his face, but it was no help. Josh took a step forward, and another one, and then another, and kept walking, legs carrying him as if against his will. "What're you- dude, you're scaring me," Tyler kept trying to catch his attention, but ended up following him instead.

Finally, Josh stopped, Tyler bumping into him, and there it was -- the building Josh had almost erased from his brain, but the memories were all back now, rewritten, restored. This was where he spent half of his life, alone, in his flat, which he tried so desperately to get used to, to make it all feel like a proper home. He stared at the window he used to call his, and pictured himself sitting right there, stuck, enframed like a horrendously miserable painting. Looking at it from the other side after such a long time was a strange feeling, and it forced tears into his eyes. Tyler was trying to guess which window he was looking at.

"This is where I used to live," Josh pointed up. Tyler exhaled heavily.

"Is it?" he asked, glancing at him, then back at the window. Biting the inside of his cheek, he joined Josh in his silence. 

Josh had never shown him, never invited him over back when the only way they could see each other and hang out was when Tyler came to Dema to scavenge. Josh never wanted him to find out how terrible his life was, eventhough his flat was kept as neat and tidy as possible. Josh nodded, bottom lip tucked between his teeth to stop himself from crying.

"This wasn't your home, Josh. This was your prison. And I'm never letting you go back up there, you hear me?" Tyler said, pointing to the window, trying his best to cheer him up, to make him feel safe. He looked around for a moment and then crouched, picking a rock off the ground and handing it over to Josh. He flinched, but took it. "Here, throw it. We're already in trouble, so," Tyler shrugged. Josh looked at him, wide eyed and unsure. Tyler nodded his head towards the building.

Josh took a deep breath, looking at the window once more. Tyler was right -- this was no home, never was and never could be. It was a prison, his own, personal utopia with clean carpets, sweet scents and lies, lies everywhere Josh looked. He tried to ignore everything that surrounded him by creating a place that was too perfect for the disgusting reality. He took a step back and threw the rock as hard as he could, the window shattering into tens of tiny, little pieces and breaking the silence. He stood there, legs bent slightly, and he huffed, gasped and coughed.

"That felt good."

Tyler gave his shoulder a gentle, sympathetic pat. "Alright, that's enough. Let's go."

There was only one last stop they had to make before heading back to Trench. They haven't discussed it beforehand, so Josh was confused, but he still followed Tyler wherever he was taking him and trusted it was worth the few bonus minutes of walking. Everything around them seemed peaceful, although it was artificial. But what wasn't artificial was Tyler's presence, his love and care.

"Close your eyes. I'll lead you," Tyler said, and Josh obeyed. He could feel Tyler's cold fingers intertwining with his own and they walked, slow and messy, with Josh nearly tripping over some rocks and uneven pavement tiles, but it was fine. It was all fine.

Their laughs and giggles echoed through the unnaturally empty streets, and Josh wasn't scared. This place wasn't holding him captive anymore, and had no control over him. Sometimes, he had a feeling that Tyler might have pulled him out of here last minute. Losing sanity wasn't the most difficult thing in the world. It didn't take a lot turn a human's brain into mush.

Tyler stopped, and Josh stopped as well, eyes still shut. He could feel Tyler tugging at his hand and guiding it towards something, having Josh curl his fingers around something cold, metallic, a post, a step. He grimaced in confusion.

"Alright, you can look now," Tyler said, heart pounding in his chest when Josh opened his eyes again. 

He found himself in front of a ladder, propped up against a wall. He recognized it, and recognized the place. His lips parted for a second, but nothing came out. This was where they first properly hung out, on the roof of a grocery store, and watched the stars together. This is where Josh bared his soul in front of Tyler for the very first time, and he just accepted it as it was.

"Tyler," Josh looked at him, eyes glassy. "You remembered-"

"Yeah. I thought you'd, um. Maybe like to come here again. The Moon's full and all."

Josh embraced him in a tight hug and Tyler stood there, letting him squeeze the life out of him and patting his back. Right after releasing Tyler from under his loving grip and returning the pat, Josh crawled up the ladder, and Tyler gladly followed. 

They sat down on the very edge of the tiny building, their feet swinging above the concrete. Tyler put his head on Josh's shoulder and sighed, eyes glued to the night sky. It was littered with stars, not a single cloud in the way.

"Can I ask you something?" came a quiet question. Josh nodded in response. "What'd you do with your gun?"

He sighed. He wished it was never an item he came in possession of. "Just -- just left it. In the trash, when we were hiding that one time. Don't think it was loaded anyway." 

"Did you? The night we-"

"Yeah, I wanted to get rid of it. And I just- just thought I wouldn't need it anymore," Josh said, and Tyler turned his head to look up at him.

"Dude, you really trusted me from the get-go, huh?" he teased, grinning. 

"You're pretty convincing, what can I say?"

Tyler scoffed. "Right," he mumbled, a cheesy smile still plastered to his mouth. He returned his gaze to the sky, trying to look at every single star at least once, eventhough he kept getting lost, recognizing some simple constellations and getting a little too excited. He leaned against Josh once again, and stayed there this time, taking some of his warmth away. "Hey, look, you can see Mars from here," he exclaimed, pointing to the sky.

Josh huffed out a laugh. "I don't think that's Mars," he said, but knew Tyler would stand by his belief anyway.

"And how do you know that?" Josh shrugged. "Huh."

"It's better than last time, y'know," Josh admitted. Tyler had never heard his voice sounding so soft, barely above a whisper, almost as if he were tired, in need of some rest. "With you. Everything's better that way."

Tyler hooked his arm under Josh's and grunted, holding him as close as he could and squeezing, hoping the universe could see them and how perfectly carved out they were for each other. He thought it must have been faith, that type of thing people would call a soul bond, or something of that sort. He felt it from the very beggining, from the moment Josh pushed him up against a wall and made him feel defensless, reminded him how small and ordinary he truly was. In the eyes of those who lived in Trench, he was a leader, an untouchable individual. But in the eyes of strangers, in the eyes of Josh at that time - he was a nobody, he was a parasite and a cause of trouble. At some point in the future, he will no longer be alive. He will turn into a pile of dust. But this was the present. What was gone, was gone. What happened, happened. And after all, Tyler was looking into the future with his head rised high.

"Hey, Josh?" he spoke up again. He hoped Josh didn't mind.

"Yeah?"

"Let's, like, _always_ be together," he said, putting presure onto his words. 

Josh released his arm from Tyler's grip, just to put it around his shoulder and pull him up even closer. Maybe what Tyler thought was Mars, wasn't really Mars. Maybe sometimes the world would spin around them both at a speed that knocked them off their feet. Maybe this life was far from what it should be, maybe there were certain loopholes in how this entire thing worked, maybe they were about to wake up tomorrow morning to find out everything was different, better, perfect, or maybe they were stuck in this universe that never threw anything good their way. But they had each other. They certainly had each other. They were two pieces in a box of puzzles out of which none fit each other. But them -- they fit each other just fine.

Josh exhaled, his nose making a little whistling sound. They were both warm now. "Kay."

They watched the stars for hours, silent, two individuals coalescing into a peaceful whole.

None of this made sense. But maybe it didn't have to.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for taking your time to read this. comments are always appreciated, like, rlly. just be gentle with me, i'm a huge mess.
> 
> you can find me on tumblr @ joshdunfiles


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